Pink Schlong Hot Water Bottle

Chilly at night? Not got a hunk to keep your bed warm? We feel ya. Shiver no more, frigid friend. This hot water bottle will keep you willy toasty even in the coldest of temperatures.

He’s no use when he’s all floppy, so fill this pink hot water bottle up with hot water before getting tucked up. Pro-tip: Tuck him down your pants to experience the thrill of having your very own obscenely large, hot dick.

He’s not just for show, it turns out the humble penis is the perfect shape for a hot water bottle, distributing that lovely warmth sideways through the balls and lengthwise through the shaft. Mmm, cosy.

Just try to ignore his weird little face and be thankful that real penises don’t have them. Mind you, if you were with a man who had a schlong that big, its little grin would be the least of your problems.